I often forget how self-destructive I can be until I inevitably crumble to pieces.
I have gotten better over the years, however. I used to just turn into mush and blame everyone around me. Now, I can at least acknowledge how overly-emotional I am being. Now I can walk away in order to think about the error of my ways before I morph into the crazy that is my true being.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I remember that I can't always be wrong. Sometimes I am reminded that there are instances in which my emotional reaction is necessary and actually sound.
Tonight, as I type at two in the morning...I am unsure of what I am doing and how I am feeling. I want to cry or maybe get angry, but I am lost in knowing whether or not that is fair.
I should try to sleep. I have been stressed lately and am so exhausted. Sleep will relax me and perhaps bring me back into logic. Unless of course I have nightmares including Zombies. Strangely, this is a common occurrence for me. Most of my Apocalyptic Zombie dreams include me hiding and hiding...waiting and waiting...until finally... a decrepit hand smashes through a blacked-out window or the door caves in from too much pressure. It is at those exact moments that I wake up.
There are so many interpretations I could unfold for you right now. But I'll leave that up to your imagination.
Goodnight bloggity.
-Amanda
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