The list goes on...

I'm not a fan of many things.  The following is some kind of list.

-Birds.
-Addictions.
-Being unnecessarily irritated.
-The loss of a friend.
-Pants that don't fit.
-Chipped nail polish.
-My house being messy
-Not wanting to pick up my messy house.
-Bras.
-Finishing a great book.
-Finishing a great television series.
-Finishing a great movie.
-Not having money.
-Having to pay bills.
-The sadness of others.
-My constant lack of gratitude for the many wonderful things I have.
-Marijuana.
-Broken glass.


Etc.

It's nice to be reminded...

On the last day of one of my courses this past spring term, a professor of mine encouraged my class and I to write ourselves a letter.  It could contain anything our hearts desired.  So I sat and I wrote.  Marlene, my professor/mentor/inspiration, told us all that she would send our individual letters to us sometime during the summer.  At long last, I have it in my hands again.  And I'd like to share it with you.

Dear Amanda,
Throughout your 12 weeks of summer, please try not to forget the compassion you learned over the course of spring term.  The stories you heard, the books you read, and the tears you cried...The lessons you were engulfed by are some you shall always remember.  International humanity, love and most importantly--your consciousness.  Live your life through eyes of openness.  Try your best to remember all of those lost in the constant battle to regain social justice.  Recognize your judgements and allow them to pass through your mind without pressure.  Do not underestimate your passion and capability.  Remember to take care of yourself, for without that, you simply cannot accomplish what you wish.  Do not stop learning.  Do not stop listening.  Do not stop asking questions.  Always remember to breathe and to live and always respect those throughout the world.  Recognize your privilege...but use it as a tool, not as a weapon to hold yourself down.  Allow yourself to rest.  Remember that you are not alone in your thoughts nor in you actions.  Live in solidarity with the people of this world.  We are all one.  Expand your horizons with joy and acceptance.  You are beautiful, smart, and full of humor and strength.

With love,
Yourself.

PS:  Smile!

Perhaps it is just me, but I find making stupid decisions to be rather stupid.  And to be honest, when I see stupid decisions in the making, I do my best to subtly butt in.  I suppose most of the time it's none of my business, but I generally act quickly when the one acting'a'fool is someone I love.

Now, I am most definitely not claiming to never making ignorant choices.  Not by any means is that the kind of person I am.  I am, however, someone who tries to learn from what I've lived through.  I can only hit my knee on my new bed stand so many times before I start to realize where exactly to place my foot in order to avoid another bruise.

I used to be someone who would never try anything because I was fearful of any consequences unknown to me.  Though I am still somewhat that way, I have matured past not enjoying myself.  I have found that the more unlikely it is for me to do something, the more likely it is that I will find it amazing and life changing.

I don't know...I'm sitting here drinking some weird cocktail concoction I made up with rum and I find myself thinking about stupid stupid stupid decisions.  All the ones I have made and all of the ones I have seen others make.  I wonder if that is the only way a person can truly learn.  Some say addicts need to hit rock-bottom before they want to get clean.  Or for a child to realize it's not a good idea to touch a hot stove is to touch that damned hot stove.

Did I really need to do something terribly awful to another human being for me to understand that it was something I didn't want to do?  Did I need to get my heart broken by an ass hole in order for me to realize that I deserve better?

I'm curious to know if there is some kind of alternative way of knowing.  I don't think there is.  Well, besides using one's logic before acting.  But, how often does that happen?  People act then react.  We're all human.  It's not something that can really be blamed on anyone.

Thanks for reading.